Tales Of The Blode

Characters

Main characters

• Blode is a short, humanlike thing who looks like a head with blonde hair, balanced on two feet, similar to a Goomba from Super Mario Brothers. He is rather impulsive and doesn't often listen to directions, but will cooperate to help save the day. He has blue eyes and a big, crudely drawn grin on his face which never moves, but turns into a frown when upset or scared. He talks in a high-pitched, childish voice. When happy, he often bounces in the air and dances around, but sometimes becomes nauseous and vomits profusely when he gets overexcited. He also walks by bouncing. He owns a U-Boat and a dirigible, which he got as a present for National Blode Appreciation Day.
• Food is Blode's friend. He looks and acts just like Blode, but talks in a slightly deeper voice, and often ends up the victim of Blode's carelessness or Griblit's recklessness, and usually just has bad luck. For instance, once, after walking into a Toad Danger Area, he found himself covered with toads, which disappeared only thanks to Hairy's newly discovered powers.
• Griblit is a girl who hangs around with Blode and Food. She just looks like a female version of the two. She can often be even more careless than Blode, as she enjoys playing the Orange Game, in which she simply throws oranges at people, knocking them down. She has several identical sisters, including Geebung, Goobert, Moosignoosgup, Moosooploonoog, Gingungufut, and Gingunkunkudunk.
• Hairy is a friend of the three. He is completely covered in shaggy brown hair, and nothing else of his body can be seen but his face. He talks with a deeper, more deadpan voice, and is usually the smarter of the gang, telling them to stay out of trouble, and if trouble occurs, helping them out. In cases of emergency, he can transform himself into the Mighty Mzungu, an Incredible Hulk-like creature who looks just like regular Hairy but much larger and with red eyes that can shoot laser beams.
• The Crab of Ineffable Wisdom is the gang's best friend and oftentime savior. He is a crab with a smiling human face who often helps the gang battle their many enemies, usually through his far superior intellect, plethora of tools to destroy villains, and a legion of powerful allies he recruits to save the day.

Enemies

• Evil Nazi Crab is a crab with the face of Adolf Hitler who appears to the tune of Rammstein music and threatened Blode and Food until the Crab of Ineffable Wisdom arrived.
• Helium Puffa Jacket Blue Paint Boy is a person who ambushes people, briskly blows blue paint on them from his large nose, and inflates his puffa jacket to float away into the heavens. Vulnerable to Gibbons With Ribbons.
• The Woe Kitten is a giant kitten, completely black except for two yellow eyes and a frowning mouth, which approaches its helpless prey, chanting, "Woe unto thee." Vulnerable only to ocelots.
• Giant Killer Laser Marmots are giant marmots which can shoot lasers from their eyes. They attacked England without resistance until the Crab of Ineffable Wisdom got the idea of destroying their controlling Giant Space Marmot by injecting it with a virus from his Game Boy like in Independence Day.
• Furtive Polar Bear is a sneaky polar bear which stole Food's Food Feed and kept it at his hideout near the North Pole, which he defended with his kitten gun. Vulnerable only to oranges, as evidenced by the lack of citrus fruit around his hideout.
• Toads are disgusting amphibians which latch onto unfortunate passersby with their tongues, remaining there for up to a week. They can only be removed with lasers.
• The Uber-Pea is a giant pea from outer space who likes to eat people. It has a rather ugly face, with gaping eyes and a large mouth with awful teeth. Its favorite part of the human body is the chin.

Allies

• Gibbon With a Ribbon is the only being who can destroy Helium Puffa Jacket Blue Paint Boy. Powerless against the Woe Kitten, though.
• Centipede is a friend of the gang. Basically a giant centipede.
• The Squid alerted Blode, Food, Griblit, Hairy, and the Crab of Ineffable Wisdom to the Marmot Invasion.
• Giant Friendly Sea Marmot is a good friend of the Crab of Ineffable Wisdom. Takes the gang to the scene of the invasion. Basically a giant marmot shaped like a ship.
• Britney Spears joins the gang in destroying the Giant Space Marmot.
• The Big-Chinned People. Blode and Food invite them over for tea and cakes when Food's Viking cousin Foodvik comes to visit. Unfortunately many of them were eaten by the Uber-Pea.
• Foodvik is Food's Viking cousin. He tries to destroy the Uber-Pea with his Berserker attack, but can't. So he summons a Big Gnome to crush the Pea.

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