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I Am Not CanadianI Am Not Canadian was a parody of the Canadian television commercial, I Am Canadian, devised by Toronto radio station Edge 102. It was also widely distributed by MP3. It features a man from Quebec called Guy, who rants and raves against English Canada's stereotypes, while epitomising them at the same time. He uses numerous blasphemous expressions found in Quebec French, such as hostie (host), tabarnac (tabernacle), calice (chalice), and mautadit (cursed). The parody appeared on Edge 102's "Humble and Fred" morning show in 2000, just a few weeks after the original ad. It was delivered by Pete Cugno, a comedian who recorded weekly commentaries for the show under the pseudonym "Uncle Vince". I Am Not Canadian - I'm not unemployed, or smuggling cigarette sic across the border.
- I don't eat Pepsi and Mae Wests for breakfast.
- I don't watch the hockey game doin' it doggie style.
- And non, I don't know Claude, Manon or Franois in Abitibi - Tmiscamingue;
- but I'm sure dey all 'ave nice teeth.
- I smoke in church.
- I speak Qubcois and Joual; not French or h'English sic;
- and I pronounce it 'turd', not 'third'.
- And eating french fries with cheese makes sense, mon hostie;
- I believe in distinct society – as long as someone else pays for it.
- I believe in language police, not equal rights.
- And, calice, I believe that "Club Super Sexe" is an appropriate place for my wife and me to celebrate our anniversaire!
- What da hell, she goes on at ten, anyway!
- In Qubec, the Stanley Cup actually comes round more often than Halley's Comet.
- I can get beer at the dpanneur, not at the convenience store.
- And maybe I can't turn right on a red light, but, tabarnac, I can go right through it!
- Because Qubec is the world's largest producer of maple syrup, the 'ome of Cline Dion and Roch Voisine;
- The land where everybody is shackin' up, and the legal drinking age is just a suggestion.
- Je m'appelle Guy - and I am not Canadian. (Mautadit tabarnac hostie...)
- Merci salut la visite!
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