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Mornington Crescent (Game)Mornington Crescent is a parody of obscure and complex game analysis, such as that engaged in by chess aficionados. It was introduced to the British public by the BBC Radio 4 programme I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, which is itself a parody of panel games. It is named after Mornington Crescent tube station in central London, which is in turn named after the road called "Mornington Crescent" in the London Borough of Camden, near Camden High Street. How the game is played In the basic form of the game, players successively name railway stations on the London Underground network. The first player to say "Mornington Crescent" wins. Use of a map of the London Underground is permitted for beginners, although serious players would never resort to it. When a novice player asks what other rules govern the order in which stations may be named, he or she is tradtionally told that it would take too long to explain all the rules, and that (unless he or she can find a rulebook) the best way to learn is to observe a few games and "pick them up as you go along." Then the bewildered novice will sit and endure games such as the following real game from 1996 (source: ): - Rob: Leamington Road
- James: Stanley Avenue
- Jo: Ealing Broadway (a cunning move on the inside pass)
- Rob: Victor Mews (thus effectively blocking the follow through)
- stephen: Paddington
- Eric: Brixton High Street
- Rob: Albemarle Street
- Jo: Piccadilly (which is allowable under the Finsbury rules; lucky we weren't playing it along with the Exeter Conjunction)
- debra: Russell Square
- Zog The Mighty: North by North-East (to Marble Arch)
- Smiling Rob: Mornington Crescent
Note that in this game some players did not limit themselves to tube stations but felt free to name any street named in the London A-Z Atlas — a common complication dating back to game's earliest versions. Most players today prefer the simplified tube-based version. Rules Spoiler warning: ''Details traditionally suppressed from novice players follow.'' During play, players often invoke obscure but authoritative-sounding rules and names of gambits. These 'rules', in fact, are randomly conceived, and the more ludicrous sounding the better, e.g. "once Tooting Bec has been declared, this move is not allowed unless two or more players are in knip". Some, by dint of long use, have become "traditional;" but even these are often still ill-defined. For example, although it is common to hear "we're stuck in a Dollis Hill loop", opinion differs as to just what a Dollis Hill loop is or how it can be escaped. The chair of ISIHAC, Humphrey Lyttelton, often introduces variants and alternative rules, for example "the French version ('Chateau d'Eau')", or "the King Edward Rules". Although technically it is possible to win by simply announcing "Mornington Crescent", that would completely defeat the purpose of the game. It has happened at least once on air, albeit after the player concerned spent four minutes discussing the particular rules they were playing by. The true intent of the game is to be funny, and all other rules are invoked solely in the service of this objective. Culture of secrecy Those in the know about the game enjoy pretending to others that all the rules are real, and that they really are in a rule book. The alleged rulebook remains eternally elusive, and this supreme obscurity of the rules is a source of humour to players. Players frequently make reference to the International Mornington Crescent Society (IMCS), allegedly the dominant rule-making body for the game. Radio 4 once broadcast the first part of a "two part documentary" on Mornington Crescent, which gave a history of the game through the ages. The promised second part, which would give an in-depth explanation of the rules, was, naturally, never broadcast. As Lyttelton has put it on the show, "rulebook is maintained with inimitable accuracy by the lovely Samantha, who sleeps with it under her pillow. As it now runs to 17 volumes, she is running out of pillows." (Samantha, the indescribably lovely scorer for I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is equally fictitious.) If Mornington Crescent is played well then an observer may come to realise what rules really operate, namely those of comedy, and other newcomers' initial bafflement will be amusing to all concerned. However, the game is far from a mere prank; afficianados legitimately play the game against one another for recreation even when not in the presence of the uninitiated. Among Mornington Crescent players, there is a taboo against admitting that the rules are fictitious. Some interpret this as an attempt to maintain the ignorance of outsiders. Another explanation is that admitting what's really going on is incompatible with actually playing the game: saying "but the rules aren't real" immediately spoils a previously engaging discussion of the strategy of shunting players who are in knip on the Piccadilly Line. It seems likely that different participants see different reasons for maintaining this silence. The former interpretation of the taboo has led some to aggressively point out that there are no real rules whenever there's a possibility of someone being misled. Indeed, there is a hint of a reverse taboo: proponents of full disclosure see it as morally reprehensible to leave a newcomer in the dark. The debate remains unresolved, but it appears that all sides at least find it acceptable to privately explain the real situation to someone who asks. Real rules There is some evidence suggesting that in the early days there were a few simple rules, which the panellists knew and the audience didn't. The fact that the audience didn't know the rules was an in-joke for the panel. Since no one would be able to tell the difference, these rules were only loosely followed, and were eventually abandoned altogether. Two books of 'rules' and history have been published, The Little Book of Mornington Crescent (2001; ISBN 0752844229) by Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer and Humphrey Lyttelton and Stovold's Mornington Crescent Almanac (2001; ISBN 0752847295) by Graeme Garden. Starting in 1997 an attempt was made to create an actual serious playable version of Mornington Crescent, by means of a nomic. This was inspired by the propensity of nomics to create subgames and the observation that nomic players keep tweaking their nomics to keep them interesting to play. Mornington Nomic was a successful nomic for a while, and indeed succeeded in producing an interesting and playable game that matches the form of Mornington Crescent. While the nomic is no longer played, the resulting set of rules for Mornington Crescent remains. In the late 1980s Roger Heyworth, a director of Gibson's Games mooted the idea of publising a Mornington Crescent game consisting of an empty box containing a flier promoting a club for afficionadoes. The plan was abandoned because of the number of customer complaints that it was expected to generate. In the late 1990s he approached the BBC with a card game design but this was rejected because it was insufficiently silly. Miscellaneous Science fiction writer Michael Moorcock included a reference to the game in a comic book which he scripted, entitled Michael Moorcock's Multiverse. Since the comic was published in the US, the reference was clearly an in-joke for any British readers who happened to get hold of an imported copy, or US readers who are fans of the radio show. In the 1980s postal gaming hobbyists invented a variant of Mornington Crescent for postal play, called Finchley Central. In Sweden the game is sometimes played within science fiction fandom and then it uses the Stockholm Metro map and Stora Mossen as the target. Calvin and Hobbes' Calvinball bears some resemblance to this game. One episode of Garden and Brooke-Taylor's television series, The Goodies (also starring Bill Oddie) featured a card game called "Spat", which bore many similarities to Mornington Crescent. In it a hapless Bill was being taught Spat by Graeme and Tim but kept on accidentally breaking the increasingly surreal rules. In the Star Trek episode A Piece of the Action (broadcast in 1968), Captain Kirk spontaneously invents a card game called fizzbin after being captured, in order to distract the henchmen guarding him. Fizzbin supposedly has extremely complex and confusing rules, similar to Mornington Crescent. The card game Mao includes rules similar to Mornington Crescent in that the new player must try to learn the rules by observations and it is taboo to spell out the rules. Online satirical gaming magazine Critical Miss featured a description of a card game called 'Clique.' To begin, players download pictures of monsters, weapons, battles, etc, from the Internet or books, then print them on invented playing cards with a random, official-sounding description such as 'Add 3F with action card.' These are then taken to a convention , and the players appear to play the game by placing cards and making statements such as 'I take three meaningful sighs,' or 'I intercept your attack and engage strategic demoralization'; however, much like Mornington crescent, the players simply make up the rules as they go along. A point at which Clique differs from Mornington Crescent is that it is not taboo to explain the rules to novices; in fact, it is encouraged. When explaining rules, they are also made up as the player goes along, but are made to sound very complicated. When the listener either glazes over or says "Why don't I just watch, and see if I can pick it up," the players have scored one point. Clique can be played in teams, with the winning team being either the first to get a prearranged number of points, or the one to get the most points in a prearranged time. An episode of Friends featured a card game called "Cups", which one character (Chandler) had devised as a method of giving money to another character (Joey) without Joey realizing it. Thus, Chandler made up rules on the fly so that he would always lose. (Unfortunately, Joey then played the game with another character, and lost all the money he had won.) External links
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