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Jack HandeyJack Handey was a writer and co-producer of Saturday Night Live. He is famous for his Deep Thoughts, a large body of nonsensical one-liner jokes, as well as his My Big Thick Novel shorts. Jack Handey also has written a number of books that include Deep Thoughts, Fuzzy Memories, Deeper Thoughts: Don't Fight the Deepness, and Deepest Thoughts: So Deep they Squeak. Besides Saturday Night Live, Handey wrote for the Canadian sketch series Bizarre. Quotes - "If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy."
- "If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, 'Probably because of something you did.'"
- "Marta talks about sensuality, but I don't think she'd know sensuality if it bit her on the ass."
- "Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake. That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone a lot."
- "People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world. What they don't understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long, blond hair."
- "Laurie got offended that I used the word 'puke.' But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like."
- "When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window or it'll turn into a fossil."
- "When I was in the 3rd grade, a bully in school started beating me up every day. At first I didn't say anything, but then I told dad. He got a real scared look on his face and asked if the bully had a big dad. I said I didn't know. But he still seemed scared. And just a few days later we moved to a new town. Dad told me that if anyone picked on me, not to fight back. Unless I knew the kid didn't have a dad or the dad was real small. Otherwise just curl up in a ball."
External links Handey, Jack
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